Jens & Boonen—Piratical Sorts

Jens Voigt....a calming presence in the peloton...

I have a man-crush on Jens Voigt. But you already knew that.

I've called him a hard man.

He's so hard, he inspired a (Genius!) Twitter feed, called Jens Voigt Facts (with a companion website...keep refresh the page to see more entries). A sampling:

• Jens Voigt prepares for Tour de Suisse by reassuring scientists at the Large Hadron Collider that he means no harm.
• Sharks have a Jens Voigt week.
• Jens Voigt can touch MC Hammer.
• Lance Armstrong was born the day after Jens Voigt. However, Jens immediately attacked and by the Texan's 13th birthday Jens had already turned 16.
• You get the idea...

...NOT!!!

He's a rare character. And he's now a blogger. I hate the competition. (Seriously. He gets more readers in a day than I've had in two years of this blog.)

But I love him all the same.

But he may be getting come competition. There may be another character in the pro peloton who—with a cheeky grin and a mischievous manner—can upstage the master.

His name?

Tom Boonen.

The Belgian?

Yep, the 2005 World Champion, 2007 Green Jersey winner,  and multiple winner of Paris-Roubaix and Ronde van Vlaanderen (Tour of Flanders, to all you gringos out there).

NOT a Lamborghini.

The Lamborghini-crasher? The coke-head?

Now, now. He was avoiding a cat. And what's a little recreational drug use among friends...After all, Ullrich made mistakes, too!

Let's get this back on track.

In a recent post, Jens laments that he will have to miss going to a Foo Fighters concert with his 15-year-old son, because of his professional obligations.

He shares his conundrum with Tom Boonen. As Jens writes:

...Tom Boonen came up with a good alternative plan. When I told him about my dilemma, he was like, “No really! You know what we can do?” And he gives me this little pirate smile …

“We can stop along the road and start hitting each other! We’ll be in the news all over the place so it brings added exposure for the team. But we’ll also get kicked out so you’ll be able to get home and see the concert. Then at the Tour de France we’ll hug and make up in front of the cameras and get lots more visibility in the press. Everyone’s a winner!”

You cheeky monkey!

Genius. Pure genius.

That sounds like something I might have come up with in my boarding school days—like swallowing a pinch of Copenhagen just before class to get up a nice infirmary-sending vomit...and thus avoiding a test.

It's brilliant! And it shows a complete understanding of what it is to be a professional cyclist. It's entertainment. It's the limelight. Everything they do feeds the media machine—especially if you are a national hero, as is Boonen.

I only wish that they had done it! Just think of all the column inches it would have generated!

And think how much fun JensVoigtFacts.com would have had with it.

I lament.

I Have a Man-Crush! (Jens Voigt Is a Hard Man, Part II)

I posted in March about Jens Voigt's amazing comeback from a devastating crash in the 2009 Tour.

He's a fan favorite and one of cycling's most respected elder statesman.

And he's back.

Another crash. Another recovery. He's gained, er, perspective.



"Last year it was at this time of the race I was in hospital already. At this time I'm still on my bike. Didn't crash on my head, didn't crash on my face, so things could be worse."

Ah, and a little more here:

"I vas cart-veeling through the air at 60K, hitting my arms and legs. I realized everything was still attached, though, so I figured, vhy not ride on?"

How can you not love this guy?

Man-Crush!

He's tough, determined, and straightforward. He's the consummate teammate. He's a veteran, with tens of thousands of race miles in his legs and more hours of race-time than most will ever achieve in their careers.

He's wise, grizzled, and...he's funny!

Here are a few samples of the wisdom of Jens Voigt:

• On his control of mind over body:

"Shut up body, do what I tell you!"

• Jens on cycling fans:

"People with other people in wheelchairs, they keep them in front of them, to give them a better view. Then, they see us coming...panic...jumping back...and leave the poor person out there. I see it every day...every day!"

• Jens on loyalty:

"My loyalty belongs to my team, my leader, and my boss."

Chapeau Jens Voigt!

Musings on Why I Shave (Or, Jens Voigt Is a Hard Man )

2010 Paris-Nice, Stage 3: Jens Voigt takes the yellow jersey, symbolizing his lead in this important early-season test...

Meh.

Jens Voigt is happy in yellow⇒

Stage 3, 2010 Paris-Nice: Jens Voigt, victim of a devastating, stomach-churning, oh-my-god-how-did-he-survive-that crash in the 2009 Tour de France, takes the yellow jersey—symbolizing his lead in this important early-season test—completing his return to professional racing.

Wow!

Hard Men

Sure, cyclists look like peacocks in their brightly-colored, skin-tight clothing. Yes, they shave their legs.

But if you ever thought that cyclists were wimps, consider Jens.

Ouch ⇒

Last July he face-planted on a descent during The Tour. He skidded on his nose and cheek at more than 40 mph. He lost consciousness for several minutes as rescuers stabilized him, waiting for an emergency helicopter.

Today, he is moving and shaking up the peloton at the ripe age of 38. He did not win Paris-Nice, but he served notice that he will be in the mix, supporting Andy Schlek in the 2010 tour.

Vinnie Jones, ya got nuthin'!

Road Rash

Recently, I was asked : "why do cyclists shave their legs?"

I cannot answer for others; but for me, I shave because of road rash.

Crashing is a part of your life as a cyclist. You will fall. Accept it.

I'm sure the umbrella had nothing to do with it...⇒

In 2009 I had two significant crashes. The first was in March. It tore the skin from a 6-in. x 6-in. patch on my right hip. A year later, my hip is still purple from the scar. The second was in June. It sliced a 4-in. x 4-in hole into my left hip. A year later? Not-so purple.

The difference? Shaving.

Shaving

My legs were fabulously furry when I crashed in March. It was too early in the season, I told myself.

After a month of pulling bandages off that road rash, I was ready to shave. The wound hurt; the healing was excruciating. And the effing tape was a tear-jerker (literally!).

So, I discovered the wonders of Nair for Men.

In a future post I will regale you with the wonders of "shaving"⇒

Fast-forward.

When I crashed in June, my legs were sleek, smooth, and well-moisturized. When I hit the deck, I slid. No hair gripped the road. And when it came time to bandage and recover, everything was easier. I healed faster, and there was less scarring.

Thus, the question is answered:

• It's not for looks.
• It's not for aerodynamics.
• It's not fetishistic.

I shave to save my skin!