Why Haven't You Written?

It's not you, it's me! I hope we can still be friends! 
I just needed space. Time. Change. I was suffocating...

That's all sort-of true. If I am to be honest...yep..it's all about me.

Why This Blog Has Been Dormant

• I was angry with Pelotonia
• I have had a difficult year
• I lost the habit

Chronologically, that's the proper order. But I'll start at the end. I think the Pelotonia post should have some space of its own.

I Lost the Habit

Thirty days, the saying goes. It takes 30 days to make a habit.

So, NOT writing a blog for 30 days...you get the picture.
Why didn't I write?

Writing a blog is a labor of love. It takes time; but time isn't the issue. We all can make time for the things we love. The issue is...honesty.

I am blessed with 437 sisters in law. One of these lovely ladies had once expressed interest in writing a blog, but she was having problems answering the writer's eternal question: what do I have to say?

I completely understood. It took me years to start a blog. Every time I thought I had something worth "publishing", I decided it was fatuous. At best. At worst? I shudder...

When I started Wheelsucker Diaries, however, I felt I had found the magical "it". It felt right. It matured. I invested a lot of me into it. Indeed, it had become a facet of me.

We all have our online personas—our doppelgangers (I daren't write "avatar" anymore...thanks James Cameron...you bastard.). There's a Facebook me who is different from my LinkedIn me. And the Wheelsucker Diaries me is another...

And it is the one most like me. It's the one where I occasionally go deep.

And that's why I lost the habit: I had to stop going deep.

I Have Had a Difficult Year

Writing a blog is a labor of love. Damn, I already wrote that.

When I write these posts  I am vigilant. To be successful, Wheelsucker Diaries must pass my sniff test. If I sense that I am BS-ing myself, I know I've failed. Plenty of failed posts have made it into my "drafts" folder. Some escaped—having been revisited and re-tooled. Others will never see the light of day.

A Necessary Digression...

I just re-read Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. As in most cases, the novella is far more interesting and subtle than the movies. You know the general story—what with the potion and the changing into an "evil" man. What is forgotten is that Hyde is a distillation of the evils within Jekyll. In other words, Hyde is a part of the larger, benevolent man. As it happens, the evil takes over, but Jekyll is not "good". He is a composite of both good and evil—as are we all.

Back to our Narrative...

I have been dealing with my own Hyde—and a few other things. In short, this has been a psychologically trying time for me and my family (particularly BCB and the LAs*). It's exhausting.

I am continuing on my path; and we are continuing on our path as a family. We are facing the new challenges as they arise, and as we learn from our histories.

When I tried to write I was failing. I had lost my voice.

When you don't like yourself, you don't like your reflection.

I was disgusted. I would read my drafts and (metaphorically) crumple the paper with disdain: violence.

My prose was either dishonest, or I couldn't stand to read the ramblings of the author. I thought he was crap. A fraud. A poseur.

I Got a Call from an Old Friend...

...And as it happens, I am in a better place.

Things happen for a reason. Had that email come to me a week ago, I would not have been ready.

But it came today. And today I can start afresh.

So here we are. Back together again.

I hope you're ready.

I have a lot to say...

*
BCB = Beautiful and Charming Bride
LAs = Little Angels (my daughters)

Got a call...

Got an email from an old friend, we used to be real close...

Actually, it was an email. Here's the text:

Wheelsucker Diaries....
Dude...what's up???  There ain't no recent posts!  But we've already done
the spring classics and the Giro!

And my response:

So many answers to that question...
I have been meaning to contact you...

Looks like I've got some 'splaining to do...

Narcissism

Alex Bogusky

I was reading Fast Company the other morning, picking through the features, and I was grabbed by "Alex Bogusky Tells All: He Left the World's Hottest Agency to Find His Soul", by Danielle Sacks.

It was fascinating for a number of reasons, most not relevant here. In short, the titular figure is an adman of rare renown. In the middle of much success, he dropped out of his role to pursue...something. (You need to read the article to find out more.)

Near the end of the profile is the following set of quotations (emphasis is mine):

"I don't think we're good at being selfish," Bogusky had mused to me on one of those idyllic Boulder mornings. "Most of humanity, we're total rookies at being selfish and being narcissists. Because if you're really good at narcissism, you get to the point where that rookie kind of selfish doesn't even exist. A really excellent narcissist would be a really powerful tool for saving the planet. If everyone was a perfect narcissist, there would be nothing to worry about because we'd automatically fix everything and our purchases would be so benign. It's not self-absorbed, it's just knowing what's good for self. Let's say that steaks, scotch, and lots of cigars are what you put in your body -- that's a rookie-narcissistic move. That's where we're uneducated narcissists. But as we perfect our narcissism, it comes around where you're actually doing things that feel like sharing, that feel like connected behavior."

I told my friend this theory, and he said, 'You may be the most narcissistic person I know. It used to piss me off, and now I've come to be okay with it.' "

Does this sound like anyone?

Inadvertent though it may be, it perfectly describes and explains Lance Armstrong. But, does it damn him?

I plan to explore that question in a coming post: Lance Revisited.

Where Have You Been?

I know, I have not posted in almost two weeks.

Since Pelotonia, I have spent my time recovering--emotionally and physically. I've spent quality time with BCB and the LAs, and I have several drafts of posts that are to come, including:

• Real Men Wear Pink
• Saddle Sore
• Pelotonia 10 Ride Report (Day 1)
• Pelotonia 10 Ride Report (Day 2)
• Life as a Symbol
• Lance Revisited

Those are working titles. They are teasers. They are coming soon, as well as a non-cycling post entitled: "Off Topic: Thanking The Charlatans".

Stay tuned!

2010 Cyclocross Season Schedule

With help, I have compiled a list of cyclocross races in the Mid-Atlantic region, with particular care paid to Maryland. There are two regional, season-long competitions:

• MAC = MidAtlanticCross Cyclocross Series
• MABRA = Mid-Atlantic Bicycle Racing Association Cyclocross Series

There are few other races, too. If I missed anything, please let me know!

Sat	9/11	Nittany Cross	MAC #1	Trexlertown, PA
Sat	9/18	Charm City	MAC #2	Baltimore, MD
Sun	9/19	Charm City	MAC #3	Baltimore, MD
Sun	9/26	Ed Sanders Memorial	MABRA #1	Adamstown, MD
Sun	9/26	Whirlybird Cyclocross	MAC #4	Bryn Athyn, PA
Sat	10/2	Breast Cancer Awareness Cyclocross Challenge	MABRA #2	Cascade, MD
Sat	10/3	Winchester Apple Harvest Cross	MABRA #3	Winchester, VA
Sat	10/10	Hyattsville CX	MABRA #4	Hyattsville, MD
Sat	10/16	Granogue Cross (Day 1)	MAC #5	Granogue, DE
Sun	10/17	Granogue Cross (Day 2)	MAC #6	Granogue, DE
Sun	10/24	DCCX	MABRA #5	Washington, DC
Sat	10/30	All Hallows Cross	MABRA #6	Hughesville, MD
Sat	10/30	Beacon Cyclocross	MAC#7	Bridgeton, NJ
Sun	10/31	ABRT CX	N/A	Severna Park, MD
Sat	11/6	Fair Hill	MAC #9	Fair Hill, DE
Sun	11/7	Tacchino Ciclocross	MABRA #7	Upper Marlboro, MD
Sun	11/14	UrbanCross at Ix	MABRA #8	Charlotsville, VA
Sat	11/20	HoCo2xCx: Schooley Mill Cross	MABRA #9	Highland, MD
Sat	11/20	Super Cross Cup Day 1	MAC #10	Southampton, NY
Sun	11/21	HoCo2xCx: Rockburn Cross	MABRA #10	Elkridge, MD
Sun	11/21	Super Cross Cup Day 2	MAC #11	Southampton, NY
Sun	11/28	Turkey Chase MABRAcross Championships	MABRA #11	TBD
Sun	12/8 - 12/12	US Nationals	National Championships	Bend, OR

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