Contador is an Alien

Alberto Contador bothers me.

Until today, I was unable to pinpoint what it is about him that makes me cringe. And then it hit me: he is an alien.

Not an illegal alien.

And not your average, run-of-the mill alien, making the occasional beep-beep noise and commenting on the absurdity that is the "human experience."

No, he is an all-devouring alien. He is subtle, cunning, and nefarious.

But like all great villains, he is careless, he leaves us clues. Look at the photo. Have you spotted it?

No, it's not that he is pressing the reset button embedded in his temple.

Look behind him.

Notice the symbol?

Don't be fooled, fellow humans.
Contador is an alien. He is a bug.

Like many aliens, he uses our popular culture and electronic media to understanding us (like the aliens in Galaxy Quest). He watched Starship Troopers.

He thinks that Earth really is the United Citizen Federation. He thinks that Casper Van Dien really is a hero. Kazakhstan is a ruse. It's not a country; it's a front. Kazakhstan is the aliens' forward base, from which they will launch their takeover. Think about it. How else do you explain Borat, or Vinokourov?

Alberto Contador is a bug in people skin. He's simply a more attractive upgrade to Edgar from Men in Black.

Think about it. You know I'm right.

Oh, as for this gem (regarding the 2010 Tour de France): "I don’t like saying that I’m the big favorite. There are other favourites because of their physical strengths and because of tactical factors, such as the strength of the teams..."

Nice try, superbug. You are the defending champion, and a two-time winner. You are the favorite. You are the insect overlord. Own up to it!